Review: "Find the Good" by Heather
Lende
Brandon Sun, January 11, 2016
David McConkey
Sometimes it’s nice to be reminded to look for what is good: in
one’s life, in the community, in the world. Wherever. That reminder
could come from the start of a new year. Or from the beauty of a
sunny winter day. That reminder even could come from an unlikely
source: a newspaper obituary. That is the theme of a new book, Find
the Good: Unexpected Life lessons From a Small-Town Obituary
Writer.
Author Heather
Lende lives in remote Haines, Alaska (population 2,000). She
has written for magazines and authored other bestselling books. As
well, Lende has been writing obituaries for 20 years for the local
weekly newspaper, the Chilkat Valley News. In her new book she
reflects on what she has learned from living in a small town, from
raising a family, and from writing obituaries.
“Find the good.”
That’s the core life lesson she has learned. “Looking for the good
may be part nature,” she writes, “but it can be nurtured.”
There are two kinds of obituaries in the newspaper. One kind is a
paid family notice in the classifieds. The other kind is an obituary
in the news. A death will make the news if the deceased was in some
way prominent or famous.
Most people, however, are not well-known; they live and die in
relative obscurity. So, everyday folks are not usually the subject
of a news obituary. But when anyone dies in Haines, Alaska, they
make the news: Lende writes their obituary. “My ‘beat’ at our local
newspaper,” Lende says, “is death.”
“I understand why you may think that what I do is depressing,” she
says about her work, “but compared to front-page news, most
obituaries are downright inspirational. People lead all kinds of
interesting and fulfilling lives.”
After a death, Lende starts with a phone call to the family of the
deceased. Then she visits the grieving household to gather
information. In the home in the shadow of death, Lende sips coffee,
asks questions, listens, takes notes. And she tries to always look
on the bright side of life.
“Finding the good in this situation is often challenging; it is not
always obvious,” she observes. “If I concentrate and am patient,
though, it will reveal itself.” This, she adds, “usually involves a
lot of caffeine.”
Writing about people in a small town presents a special challenge:
everyone assumes they already know everything about everyone else.
“I search for those traits or talents that can be hidden for years,
even in a small town,” Lende says. “I love finding something out
while researching a life that surprises everyone when they read the
paper.”
So, in one obituary, Lende records that a “mild-mannered,
soft-spoken sporting goods store clerk” was found to have kept “a
vintage, polished Harley Davidson in his living room.” And, in
another, that a “very proper little old lady” jumped every day on a
trampoline.
Find
the Good is a short, often quietly funny, inspiring book.
Lende is a great writer who knows how to weave ordinary facts into
interesting stories. (Which is, of course, the essence of a good
obit.) In her book we learn about her life not only as an obituary
writer, but also as a mother, grandmother, homemaker, gardener, and
involved citizen.
Hers is the kind of regular existence that builds lives, and creates
communities. Her husband owns the local lumberyard. They have five
children, one of whom was adopted as an eight-year-old orphan from
Bulgaria. Lende serves on the school board, on the library board,
and as a hospice volunteer.
Lende writes about the ups and downs of her life, her family, and
her town. As she does, she draws in her own observations as well as
pieces of “obituary wisdom.”
How about: “The secret to aging more cheerfully is to play like a
child.” Or: “My house is getting messier in direct proportion to my
growing optimism.”
“Writing obituaries is my way of transcending bad news,” the author
concludes. “It has taught me the value of intentionally trying to
find the good in people and situations, and that practice – and I do
believe that finding the good can be practiced – has made my life
more meaningful.”
More From Obituary Guide:
- Writing Your Own Obituary Offers Chance for Reflection
- How to Write a Legacy Letter (Ethical Will)
- A Family History Writing Workshop
- Helping Families "Most Satisfying Work" for Funeral Celebrant
- Be Prepared: Will, Health Care Directive (Living Will), and More
Books You May Find of Interest:
Not Quite What I Was Planning:
Six-Word Memoirs
Writing an Obituary Worth Reading:
A Guide to Writing a Fulfilling Life Review
Find the Good:
Unexpected Life lessons From a Small-Town
Obituary Writer
Having the Last Say:
Capturing Your Legacy in One Small Story
Obit:
Inspiring Stories of Ordinary People Who Led Extraordinary Lives
For All Time:
A Complete Guide to Writing Your Family History
Thrive:
The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of
Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder
Press Ctrl + D to Bookmark this page